Hollywood Offender

Lindsay Looking Rough In Paris

Eeesh, it's hard to believe this girl is only 21.  I mean, I guess three rehab stints in less than a year after several years of abusing your body with sleepless nights and god only knows what pharmaceuticals are bad for a person.  Who knew?  If only Dina had warned her...

So Lindsay's in Paris where she showed up at the Fornarina party last night.  BFF/girlfriend Samantha Ronson accompanied her, and has been walking around with a big, old hickey on her neck (view video here).  You've gotta love the love bites.  Or something like that.

Lindz is probably just grateful to be out of the country.  Her mother and sister's new series, "Living Lohan," is getting ready for its premiere on Memorial Day.  The promo has been all over E!  It looks really, really bad--which means, of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world. 

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Haylie Duff, Danny Nucci and Ryan Merriman In "Backwoods"

Danny Nucci, Haylie Duff and Ryan Merriman will soon be seen in the Spike original movie, "Backwoods.".

The thriller, which is to premiere on Spike June 8 in high definition, is slated to air as part of "Spike Guy Movies," being broadcast throughout 2008.

Spike TV's original "Spike Guy Movies" average nearly 1.5 million viewers each month, the network said.

Spike describes "Backwoods" as a terrifying thriller centered on a group of young colleagues who set out for a fun company retreat in the remote woods, only to find themselves hunted by the unknown and fighting for their lives.

Nucci's screen credits include, "World Trade Center" and "Titanic," while Duff has appeared in "Material Girls" and in "Hairspray" on Broadway.  Merriman was in the acclaimed TV miniseries, "Comanche Moon," as well as the big-screen horror flick, "The Ring 2."

Christian Slater Comes To NBC

Christian Slater fans rejoice!

A new television series starring Slater is scheduled to debut this fall on NBC. 

The show, "My Own Worst Enemy," casts Slater as a suburban dad living a double life as an operative who speaks 13 languages, runs a four-minute mile - oh - and is trained to kill with his teeth.

I don't know about you, but I'd watch Christian Slater do just about anything.

"The Hills" Re-Ups For A Fourth Season

The Hills," MTV's "reality" show about a bunch of spoiled morons living and loving in L.A. has been renewed for a fourth season.  Yes, the apocalypse is near.  The new season will premiere in August with 19--yes, 19--new episodes.  It should also be noted that season three doesn't even end until next Monday.  I have to wait almost a full year for a new "Lost" episode and this dreck is practically on a loop.

Hollywood loves to screw with me. 

Per a source, in regard to the new season:

"They just started shooting.  The fourth season will be about what they ended up doing this summer. Lauren and Whitney will still be working at People's Revolution."

Oh, good!  I've really been worried about those two (I actually have no idea who they are other than Lauren also has the clothes line and she hates Heidi and Spencer.  The only reason I know THAT is because it's in US Weekly every week). 

For those who actually watch (I don't judge...well, that's not true, I do, but to each his or her own), here's a sneak peek at Monday's finale:

"Lauren makes a heartfelt attempt to patch things up with Audrina, but it may be too late.  Meanwhile, Spencer fears he's going to lose Heidi forever when he learns she's taking a job in Las Vegas."

Because Vegas is on the other side of the world from L.A. 

Dontcha just love manufactured drama cloaked as reality? 

Yes, me neither.

Lindsay Lohan: Blue For Scarlet

In between running around the country with BFF/girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, Lindsay actually did something career related - well, sort of. She hit the red carpet for the launch of the HDTV series "Scarlet,"  and she did it while wearing what appears to be part of a circus costume.

Seriously, what is she wearing?  It looks like the loser of the "create a dress for the trapeze artist" challenge on Project Runway.  It's just so...tacky and cheap-looking.  Then, again, this is Lindsay we're talking about so maybe that's fitting.  Could she look any more put-out and ticked off? She didn't even flash the obligatory peace sign.  I almost didn't realize it was her without her signature pose.

Though I have to say I'm halfway in love with the "not in service" bus sign that's right in back of Lilo's head.  I couldn't have said it better myself.

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Related:

Lindsay's Date Night

Lindsay Lohan: "Stay Away From My Girlfriend."

"Secret Talents of the Stars" Axed After Debut Show

Wow - that was lightening fast...

CBS has already canceled its reality competition series, "Secret Talents of the Stars," after only one episode aired. The debut episode on Tuesday pulled in only 4.6 million viewers, coming in third in its hour tome slot.

For the next two weeks, the Tuesday 10 p.m. time slot will be filled by "48 Hours," after which the drama series, "Shark," will pick up the time spot.

TV personality John O'Hurley hsted the show, while entertainer Debbie Reynolds, singer Brian McKnight and movie producer Gavin Polone served as judges.

The show had planned to challenge celebrities to compete in a tournament-like format to determine who had the best unknown "secret talent.".

Among the celebs signed up to play were country crooner Clint Black, actors George Takei and Malcolm-Jamal Warner, former model and ex-wife of Donald Trump, Marla Maples, figure skater Sasha Cohen, wrestler Ric Flair, singer Mya, Danny Bonaduce, musician Sheila E., model Cindy Margolis and pundit Ben Stein.

Related:

"Secret Talent of the Stars" Comes to CBS

Kelly Preston: Where's John?

Have you noticed that when John Travolta doesn't have a movie to promote you rarely see him with his wife?  I mean, a movie premiere, an awards show, or, most importantly, a super Scientology event and they're stuck like glue to each other--with Kelly repeating her "I think we're going to start trying to have another baby next month" speech on endless loop and JT's hair looking scarier and scarier by the second (one day soon I predict it the spray on follicles will start running down his face mid-interview).  It's been, what?  A couple years that Scientology's Queen Mother has talked about getting knocked up again by her extremely heterosexual husband?  Homegirl's about 46 now.   Tick tock, that's all I'm saying.  I mean there's only so long that particular story, told to illustrate said husband's sexual desire for the female of the species, is going to last.

Anyway, Kelly hit the red carpet solo last night for the premiere of Lifetime Television's "The Memory Keeper's Daughter."  Loved the book--let's see if it translates to the screen.  I have my doubts, but of course I'll watch. 

As to what Kelly was wearing?  Well...the dress is OK, though the way the jersey material is draped across her torso makes it look like it doesn't fit right.  That's the least of her problems, though, because those shoes scare me.  Patent leather?  Good.  Mary Janes?  Even better.  But with a big, thick, rubbery-looking tan heel?  Is she blind?  Stoned?  Planning on going for a hike immediately after the shindig?  Because those would be the only reasons that might be an acceptable excuse for those heels.  And even those I'd find troubling.

The face still looks good, though.  Save for the glazed over, dead eyes that are mandatory for followers of her religion, she's holding up well--without resorting to any sort of scary plastic surgery.

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Related:

John Travolta: Chia Pet Hits Miami

John Travolta: Chia Pet At The Oscars

The Travoltas Keep On Keepin' On

John Travolta And Kelly Preston: Surprisingly Life-Like

John Travolta Wants Another Baby

"Secret Talent of the Stars" Comes to CBS

Sixteen celebrities have signed on to compete in the new television series, Secret Talents of the Stars, which will air on CBS on April 8th.

The weekly talent show will feature Clint Black, Malcolm-Jamal Warner, Marla Maples and figure skater Sasha Cohen. Also scheduled to appear are wrestler Ric Flair, Joe Frazier, Playboy Playmate Bridget Marquardt, singer Mya, Danny Bonaduce, musician Sheila E., boxer Roy Jones Jr., model Cindy Margolis and Ben Stein.

Additional acts are forthcoming, says CBS.

Performers from the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus, and former members of Cirque du Soleil and The Flying Karamazov Brothers will appear with some of celebrity acts.

Each performance will be critiqued by three judges, but viewers will vote to determine which celebrities advance in the competition and which go home.

Family Guy: 100 Episodes and Counting

I'm a big fan of "Family Guy," and although I was able to view the 100th episode a few weeks ago, tonight (Sunday) the public gets to see what I saw (well most of it, anyway!) and trust me when I say that if you're a fan, you wont be dissapointed!

Tonight, FOX offers up a half-hour 'show before the show,' called "The Family Guy 100th Episode Special" (8:30-9:00 PM ET/PT), which takes a look at the history of the show, as well as memorable, sometimes offensive and downright outrageous clips from past shows. Immediately following the half hour special, the 100th episode, titled "Stewie Kills Lois," will air at 9:00 ET/PT.

FOX pulled "Family Guy" in 1999, 2000 and yet again in 2002, before once again resurrecting the show in 2005.

"Family Guy" Goes Intergalactic

Stewie as Darth Vader, Lois as Princess Leia and Brian as Chewbacca?  You bet! The special hour long season premiere of "Family Guy," premieres Sunday, September 23, 9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT on FOX (I love this show!).

After the Griffin’s lose power, Peter entertains the family with the story of "Star Wars". After Princess Leia (Lois) comes under siege by Darth Vader (Stewie) and his evil Storm Troopers, C-3PO (Quagmire) and R2-D2 (Cleveland) escape to find the only person who can help the Rebel Alliance. On their quest thorough the desert planet of Tatooine, C-3PO and R-2D2 find extra help in Obi-Wan Kenobi (Herbert), Luke Skywalker (Chris), Han Solo (Peter) and Chewbacca (Brian) and head back to battle the Death Star in an epic intergalactic fight to the death in the "Blue Harvest" premiere episode.