Hollywood Offender

Jennifer Aniston's Hot Sex Life With John Mayer

You know how you can tell Angelina Jolie must be near her due date?  The stories about Jennifer Aniston's hot sex life with John Mayer start cropping up.  Not that I'm saying Jen is still bitter about the whole "my husband dumped me for the sexiest woman alive" thing, but...oh, wait, that's exactly what I'm saying.

So, yeah, apparently Johniston (ugh, seriously?) are hearing the call of the wild with their newfound passion for each other.  Per a source:

"She is having the best sex of her life with John, and she's loving every minute of it."

Not to nitpick, but why does the "source" need to add that Jen is loving great sex?  Shouldn't that be a given?  Regardless, the source does say Johnny Boy likes to bring props to bed, including whipped cream, feathers, and ice cubes.  Too bad for her no umbrellas.  And I hope that's fat-free whipped cream, or Jen will have to start spending 26 hours a day in the gym.

Oh, and John is also into a little fantasy play.

"John also likes to keep things interesting with games like role playing, which is new for Jen.  She was a little resistant at first, but now you couldn't wipe the smile off her face if you tried."

And now that we've heard all we need to know about Jen's sex life, can we start the countdown clock on when these two will break up?

Related:

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John Mayer Says "Everything's Cool" With Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston And John Mayer: It Must Be Love

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More Evidence Jessica Simpson And Tony Romo Are Finito

Question: How much chatter does there have to be before a rumor becomes fact - or at least urban legend?  The Jessica Simpson/Tony Romo breakup stories keep coming fast and furious; where there's that much smoke...

The latest whisper comes from The Dallas Morning News, which cites not one - but two sources close to the couple who say the break-up rumors are true - so it doesn't matter that their reps keep denying it, doesn't matter that supposedly Tony will be with Jessica at sister Ashlee's wedding to Pete Wentz this Saturday.  Nope - they're done.

Further proof--or "proof," if you prefer--came on Wednesday when Tony was approached by newspaper reporters and commented:

"I'm not talking about Jessica."

I mean, I grant you: she's not the most fascinating person to talk about, but if you were still with someone wouldn't you want to address it, rather than not talk about it? 

Poor Jess.  All this on top of a week when her ex, John Mayer, is making news by making out with Jennifer Aniston.

Talk about adding insult to injury.

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Related:

• Jessica Simpson And Tony Romo Are Over
• I Spy: Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer At "Marley & Me" Wrap Party
• Jennifer Aniston And John Mayer: It Must Be Love

I Spy: Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer At "Marley & Me" Wrap Party

Jen and John arrived together at the "Marley & Me" wrap party, which was held at Nikki Beach in Coconut Grove on Saturday in Miami, where the rocker was scheduled to perform.

Mayer has pretty much confirmed the truth to the rumors that the pair are now "more than just friends," after he spoke last week at the New York's Costume Institute Gala, saying:

"You know what I did? I looked at it (the reports) and I said, 'That's about right.' What am I going to say, 'That's not me?'"

More:

• Jennifer Aniston And John Mayer: It Must Be Love
• John Mayer Says "Everything's Cool" With Jennifer Aniston
• Jen Aniston And John Mayer Sittin' In A Tree

John Mayer Says "Everything's Cool" With Jennifer Aniston

While Jennifer Aniston continued to work on her tan down in Miami, John Mayer was working the red carpet at last night's Costume Institute Gala.  And to the surprise of possibly a few pre-school children in Albuquerque--but no one else--he was asked what's going on between he and his newly acquired "friend."

"Listen, this is not a scandal, this is not an issue, this is not a problem, this needs no spin control.  This is me living my life."

I smell a new song!  He also claims that those shots of the two sunbathing were taken with a high-powered lens and that he doesn't "fault anybody."  Well, of course not!  Not when Jennifer probably gave the OK for them. 

But then he added my favorite comment of, well, at least the week.

"There are much worse problems in the world. Everything's cool!"

Really, multi-millionaire musician?  Thanks for telling me that.  I've been sitting here stressing and thinking, "Man, how is John handling all this attention?"  I'm so glad to hear you're cool.  You tool.

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Jen Aniston And John Mayer: It Must Be Love

Jen Aniston And John Mayer Sittin' In A Tree

Jennifer Aniston And John Mayer: It Must Be Love

Awww, Jennifer Aniston's found love again.  Or at least she's on the cover of the magazines this week.  For her that just might be close enough.  I'm just totally baffled by this pairing.  I mean, John Mayer?  He of the golden showers fondness?  Really, Jen?  I mean, really?

Regardless of how serious it is and how seriousness certain factors (hel-lo, Stephen Huvane) want us to believe it is, it's got people's attention.  I mean, In Touch isn't a People cover story, but baby steps.  Jen's patient that way.  And it's not like People is ignoring her. Per their source:

"It's very real. They've been seeing each other for a few weeks now."

Though, now, cruel fates have separated the new lovers as Jen has to stay in Miami to continue to film "Marley and Me" while John went back to NYC to...well, who knows.  Doesn't really matter, as this'll play out however Jen wants it to play out.  If the feedback stays good?  Mayer will be around for awhile.  If people get icked out by him--well, people besides me, as I've already gone on record with that--it'll be 'so long, sucker.'

It's really too bad that in a couple of weeks, when Brad and Angelina are gracing the red carpets at Cannes, Jen will be second banana again.  Let's just hope that doesn't translate to another round of "Jen is upset because Angelina is having Brad's baby...again" stories.  Because I'd rather read about an Aniston romance, or even a faux-mance, before ever seeing that headline again.

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Jen Aniston And John Mayer Sittin' In A Tree

Jen Aniston And John Mayer Sittin' In A Tree

It's been awhile since we've had a "Jen's New Man" story, hasn't it?  Well, worry no more--they're baaaccckkk!  I swear, one day Stephen Huvane, her publicist, is going to come up with a new go-to, surefire way to get his client into the tabs besides this old nugget.  Because, if these are all to be believed?  That Jen is just wanted by every man worldwide--yet can never seal the deal.  Oh, and she wants babies!  She totally does!  Never more than when Angelina and Brad have another one pending.

So, the latest tale is of Jen and John Mayer.  Seriously?  Could Huvane think of anyone more appealing?  Or at least less quasi-sleazy?  Every time I look at the guy I feel like I need a hot shower.  But that could just be me.  I'm sure to some, he's attractive.  Of course there are people out there who like to eat liver to, so what are you going to do. 

Anyway, the two apparently shared an affectionate lunch together in Miami on Friday.  Not only that, they then also met for dinner.  And you know what that means.  No, not that Jen will have to fast and exercise 24/7 for the next week.  It's love!  Book the church!  Order the invitations!  Listen to the source:

"They were affectionate – definitely touchy, feely.  The room they ate in was almost empty. They both drank Belinis."

OMG, I love the randomness of those statements.  All that's missing is "there was a fireplace in the room and the napkins were burgandy."  But just in case those tittilating details aren't enough, the source also explains the menu choices.

"He had a sandwich. She stole some bites and nibbled on a salad."

Well, what kind of salad?  Cobb?  Caesar?  Dinner?  C'mon source - you're slipping. 

So, I figure this story is the balloon that's gone up to see if there's any interest in this faux-mance and worthy of Huvane putting any more effort into it.  I'm thinking this one will die a quicker death than the dating Jason Lewis tales.  Wait, she dated Jason Lewis?  Exactly!

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Jennifer Aniston: Don't Forget The Sunscreen

Jennifer Aniston enjoyed a day off from filming "Marley and Me" to take in some sun in Florida.  Hope she remembered the SPF30, as that Miami sun is wicked strong.  It really would be such a shame if she took so much time making sure her body was toned and thin and perfect only to get all wrinkled up from too many ultraviolet rays.  Yeah, that would be a shame.

But don't think Jen is just about the body worshipping; oh, no, she's much deeper than that.  Just last night she was on the season finale of Oprah's "Big Give," er, giving, I guess.  I didn't watch.  Because it's Oprah and Jen and I thought my television might spontaneously combust with all the "No, YOU'RE a great person"/"No, YOU are!" tongue baths that I'm sure ensued.

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Jennifer Aniston: Plan B, Part 2

When Jennifer Aniston was married to Brad Pitt (side note: I remember those years fondly only in the sense it was before the "Jen is devastated!" and "Jen is brave!" stories that are still being written to this day), she was a partner in his Plan B production company.  When they split, Brad got custody of that baby and Jennifer got her yoga mats.  But, now, Jen's ready to get back in the game and has formed her own company, Echo Films, along with her producing partner Kristin Hahn, reports Variety.  The company is already off and running, having acquired the screen rights to several projects.  To the surprise of no one, they will all be starring Jennifer.  Says Jen:

"We're drawn to stories about people finding their voice and finding their way because they help us as listeners and viewers do what we feel we're all trying to do, which is making sense of our lives through the stories of others.  That's why we chose the name Echo, to echo back an idea, a challenge, something that resonates through all of us."

Oh, yay.  The first project up: "Getting Rid of Matthew," about a publicist who has an affair with a married man, who then befriends the man's wife and while trying to get them back together, falls for their oldest son.  Yes, Jen, we get it: you're still sexy and desirable, babe.  But thanks for bashing us over the head with it.

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Jennifer Aniston Wants Owen Wilson's Sperm

It's been awhile since there was a "Jen Aniston really wants babies" story, so I guess this was past due.  And, oh look--not look after Brangelina's pregnancy has become obvious to all.  What a coincidence!  This one is good, too, as it's not just some random schlub or no-name who's allegedly being eyed by Jen as her potential baby-daddy.  No, this time it's her "Marley and Me" co-star, Owen Wilson.  Like the poor guy hasn't had a bad enough year as is, now he's got to contend with this.

So, the story, per that always reliable source OK! magazine (it's the exclamation point that gives it credibility), that as she nears her fortieth birthday, Jen is desperately seeking sperm and she's narrowed down her search to two men: nobody Brian Bouma, a key grip she met while filming her last movie in Vancouver, and Owen.  Per a source:

"Both men have some of Jen's favorite qualities: Brian has the height and looks, while Owen can make her laugh.  Either one would be a good choice for Jen."

On the one hand, I'd say go for the looks and height.  On the other, any child of hers is gonna need a good sense of humor and lord knows she doesn't have one, so a child who can appreciate irony would probably be best.  Too bad the story is most likely bunk, as the notion of Jen auditioning guys for this part of a lifetime is most amusing.  Almost as funny as her still needing to float the idea that she really and truly wants kids.  We believe you, Jen, really.  It's OK, just relax.

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